...ways once important now revealed as false
again the fear to go
and the longing for a home

like a filter always my own projections
on the things that I experience
trying to outrun
the stench of my decay

The wills of the world are tearing me appart. It's like having all limbs tied up and pulled in different directions. But according to the laws of physics I'll go my own way. But right now I'm still not sure what I want. It seems, for the most part, be about what others want for me. I have no say in the matter, cause either I can't convince or I'm just not heard. The latter can also end up in an argument cause they refuse to hear me.

Wherever I am, I'll remain a guest, until the day I die.
That's how it feels.

living within frames
my memories are frozen
falling apart
my brains are broken

These last few years are starting to feel like some step into something else. It's like I'm in the middle of taking a step into a new room, with the foot hanging in the air. And when I take that step, the previous position will be lost. It might leave a mark, but it will still be gone. And the door will close behind me, and what I have now will be gone.

in the barren fields new domains unveil
where every impression is a mountain to climb
put down my last defence
floating, feeling the flow

Did I mention the fear?
And the feeling that I'm constantly missing something? Like important moments are just passing me by?
And the feeling of not having a home, a steady ground for my mind to stand on?
Yes... Yes, I did.

sometimes encounters we touch like swords
but as the warmth comes we fade
desires remaining unspoken
the words are lost