I got tooth residue in my face.
Oh yeah...
I think the drugs went into my head.
Coffee, anyone?

Anyhow. To something more serious. Or something not as serious as one thought. I guess it was just one of my stupid dreams. Hope that lights up the future usually just are dreams, and nothing more than dreams. How stupid of me to hope for more. So stupid of me to want so much more.
The ever so present fear surfaces again. The ups and downs are so much worse these days for now it feels like I shouldn't have them. I should be happy. Yet, isn't there always something missing?
I never saw my own future. I always thought it'd be dead before 20. I thought it would be a death by my own hands. I didn't need more pain, I didn't need more darkness or loneliness. And now I'm even more afraid of the future. Because it's getting closer, ever so closer... Far away from safety, far away from all I know, and all alone. Isn't it what I've always wanted, to get away? Of course, I still want to get away. But...

I want to smash something.
But then I'd get yelled at.
And then I'd feel bad for breaking something.
And the yelling would just make me feel bad...