Yes, I've been lazy. But I haven't got anything to really spill out. And there has been a lot of other stuff to think about. Things that often doesn't need to be put in words... here. But now comes the great question, the question that might decide how my life will be, what the future will hold.
I'm not good at these life-altering decisions. There is just so much to take into consideration. So many "what if"-situations. But I've almost come to a conclusion. Now I have to build arguments around the "what if"'s that will be thrown my way, or rather: that will be slapped in my face. I have to figure out myself that what I am sure about right now really is the best decision. I have to figure out what to live by. Shall I rush head first into the unknown, try to accomplish some sort of high-standard goals, live up to everyones expecations of me, learn to live by myself, put myself through all that comes with that... Or shall I be cautious, take it day by day, take a rest, be where I feel at home, learn how it is to live with someone other than my parents, learn what needs to be done, gather experience, and then rush head first into the unknown?

Education should come first. If will lay the base of your life. Your love will hold, distance is a trivial matter for you. You have to build a foundation and think about your own life.

You have to do what you feel is right. You have to see within yourself what you're ready for, what you're capable of. If you feel you need to take a break, take a break. If you feel you want to go ahead, go ahead. But follow your own mind. What is best for you, only you can decide.

If you don't know what you want, don't take the risk of ending up regretting heartily your choices in life. If you haven't found what you want to study, wait, search, and take another chance later. Education is important, but more so is the lust for what you're learning. There has to be a deep desire to learn, and a feeling that it was the right choice. If you can't decide, if you put it up, you're indecicive, and therefore not ready to make that decision. Wait, and see. And while you wait, live a little.

What if..

So many voices in my head. So many arguments, so many "what if"-scenarios. Is it a sane idea? Or insane... I don't know what's best for me. I can only guess. I can do and decide based upon my feelings, what I feel capable of. I can't predict the future. But I do know one thing...
In the end, whatever decision I make, as long as it feels right for me, it will be right.
And in the end, I will not alow myself to get stuck.


If you wanted to get things over and done with
That's alright
If you think that it's washed up, rinsed out and spun with
Well, not quite

If you feel you've done enough
If you feel you've done enough

It's enough
That's the game
It's the rules that stop us going insane
It's the smile
It's the race
It's the notches that we carve on our face

But did I tell you that
Nothing matters but the momentary touch of your hand
Nothing matters but the times you do as much as you can
Nothing matters but the softness of your skin
And you're really not aware of the trouble that we're in

If you wanted to try things, whisper it dryly
And I might
Now, if you think that I'm different, just ever so slightly
Then you're right

If you think you've said enough
If you think you've said enough

It's enough
That's the game
It's the reason that we lost when we played
It's the sleep
That I lose
It's a lifetime spent avoiding the news

But did I tell you that
Nothing matters but the momentary touch of your hand
Nothing matters but the times you do as much as you can
Nothing matters but the softness of your skin
And you're really not aware of the trouble that we're in

It's enough
That's the game
It's the rules that stop us going insane
It's the smile
It's the race
It's the notches that we carve on our face
It's enough
That's the game
It's the reason that we lost when we played
It's the sleep
That I lose
It's a lifetime spent avoiding the news

And you're really not aware of the trouble that we're in
No, you're really not aware of the trouble that we're in